Dear Staff
It has been brought to the Managing Director’s attention that some ex-servicemen throughout the organisation have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their civilian work colleagues.
…
Due to complaints received from some employees who may have been easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.
Therefore, a list of 13 new and innovative “TRY SAYING” phrases have been provided so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
1.Try Saying: “I think you could do with more training.”
Instead Of: “You don’t have a fucking clue do you Lofty ?”
2.Try Saying: “She’s an aggressive go-getter.”
Instead Of: “She’s a fucking power-crazy bitch.”
3.Try Saying: “Perhaps I can work late.”
Instead Of: “And when the fuck do you expect me to do this ?”
4.Try Saying: “I’m certain that isn’t feasible.”
Instead Of: “Fuck off you arsehole !”
5.Try Saying: “Really ?”
Instead Of: “Well, fuck me sideways with a telegraph pole !”
6.Try Saying: “Perhaps you should check with…………”
Instead Of: “Tell someone who actually gives a fuck !”
7.Try Saying: “I wasn’t involved in the project.”
Instead Of: “Not my fucking problem shippers !”
8.Try Saying: “That’s interesting.”
Instead Of: “What the fuck.”
9.Try Saying: “I’m not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.”
Instead Of: “No fucking chance mate !”
10.Try Saying: “It will be tight, but I’ll try to schedule it in.”
Instead Of: “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me that yesterday you knob jockey ?”
11.Try Saying: “He’s not familiar with the issues.”
Instead Of: “He’s got his head up his fucking arse !”
12.Try Saying: “Excuse me, Sir.”
Instead Of: “Oi, fuck face !”
13.Try Saying: “Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway.”
Instead Of: “Yeah, who needs fucking holidays anyway !