When the manager of a men’s clothing store returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk’s hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him. “Guess what, sir?” the clerk said “I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we’ve had for so long!” “Do you mean that repulsive, pink-and-blue, double-breasted ...
The mother came on her little son who was standing thoughtfully before the gooseberry bush in the garden. She noted that his expression was both puzzled and distressed. “Why, what’s the matter, little lamb?” she asked tenderly. “I’m thinkin, mumy,” the boy answered. “What about, little man?” “Have gooseberries any legs, mumy?” “Why, no! Of course not, dear.” The perplexity ...
The cabbie said no problem and starting speeding through the streets We came up on a yellow light and instead of slowing down, he sped up and shot through the intersection. I asked, “Hey, should you slow down a bit?” “Don’t worry about it All of my buddies drive this way.” We came up on a red light and again ...
They each say excuse me and the young man says, “I’m sorry I bumped into you, it’s just that I’m looking for my wife I lost her somewhere in another aisle.” The old man says, “I am also looking for my wife Let’s help each other Tell me what does your wife look like?” The young man replies, “She’s a ...
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passengers had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.” The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his ...
They were reaching a stalemate. One day, an American came up with a plan that would win them the war. The private explained his plan to his trench mates, and they figured, “Why not? It’s not like we have any better ideas.” The next day, an American soldier called out, “Hans?!” A German popped up and shouted back, “Ja?!” Boom, ...
A lawyer’s dog, running about unleashed, beelines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter. The butcher goes to the lawyer’s office and asks, “if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?” “Absolutely,” the lawyer responded. ...
A guy is at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St Peter is leafing through the big book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. Saint Peter goes through the book several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, “You know, I can’t see that you did anything really good in your life, but, ...