Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way home they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. He addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?” The pharmacist answers: “Yes.” Jacob: “Do you sell heart ...
A friend was thinking about buying a new house in the country and asked me to come out and look at it. We found the town, but we couldn’t locate the road. We drove over to city hall, where a community get-together was going on, and asked around, but no one had heard of the road. Even the policemen and ...
One Sunday, a preacher was speaking on what it would take for the church to become better. He said “If this church is to become better, it must take up it’s bed, and walk.” The congregation said “Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk.” Encouraged by their response, he went further. “If this church is going to become better, it ...
A college professor had the mysterious habit of walking into the lecture hall each morning, removing a tennis ball from his jacket pocket. He would set it on the corner of the podium. After giving the lecture for the day, he would once again pick up the tennis ball, place it into his jacket pocket, and leave the room. No ...
An antisemite is at a crowded bar. Standing beside him is someone who is obviously Jewish. The aresole shouts to the barman “give everybody in the bar a double brandy on me, except this Jew.” The Jew merely smiles and says nothing, so 10 minutes later, the aresole called for another round of double brandies for everyone except the Jew. ...
Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet. The Black Labrador asked the yellow Labrador “So why are you here?” The yellow Lab replied, “I’m a pisser. I piss on everything….the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner’s bed.” The black ...
A small tourist hotel was all a buzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman. But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main ...
Dan married one of a pair of identical twins. Less then a year later he was in court filing for divorce. “Tell the court why you want a divorce,” the judge said. “Well, Your Honor,” Dan started, “every once in a while my sister-in-law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are identical twins, sometimes ...