“Mommy,” the little girl asks, “How old are you?” “Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother replied “It’s not polite.” “OK”, the little girl says, “How much do you weigh?” “Now really,” the mother says, “Those are personal questions and are really none of your business.” Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you ...
An American on vacation in Paris is having breakfast at a cafe one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation. Frenchman: “You American folk eat the whole bread?” American: “Of course.” Frenchman keeps loudly chewing his gum, and says, “We ...
He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, “What you gonna do with that? There ain’t no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here.” He says, “I won it and I’m a gonna keep it.” His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees the wife and asks where ...
A Jewish man moves into a Catholic neighborhood. Every Friday The Catholics are driven crazy because, while they’re eating fish, the Jew is outside barbecuing steaks. So the Catholics work on the Jew to convert him to Catholicism. Finally, after many threats and much pleading, the Catholics succeed. They take the Jew to a priest who sprinkles holy water on ...
An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery. The Englishman steals three buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman: “That took great skill and guile to steal those buns The owner didn’t even see me.” “That’s just simple thievery,” the Irishman replied. “I’ll show you how to do it the honest way ...
They were pleasantly surprised when Saint Peter informed them that in exchange for their many years of servitude and chastity, God Himself was going to bestow upon them each one wish. The first nun said with a blush, “This is slightly embarrassing, but I have to admit, while I did love serving the Lord, the vow of chastity was really ...
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?” “The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” explained the flight attendant, “and it took us a while to find a new ...
The driver gets out of the cab and is Looking at the engine when a second Lorry driver stops in front of him and asks if he needs help. The penguins’ driver explains that he is taking the penguins to the zoo and asks if the other man would take the penguins there He agrees. Some hours later, the 2nd ...