Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia. The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly. After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops ...
A woman is at the funeral of her husband, everyone is going up to say kind words about him, when one man turns around to the wife and says, “Would you mind if i went up and said a few words?” She replied, “Of course not, please feel free to.” So the man walks up to the front of the ...
An elderly couple talk in the evening: “Honey, I’m so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often. How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?” “I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.” “And that helps?” “Yes, because I’m using your toothbrush. ...
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and waits to see what they do with the money. The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys ...
A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approached the boy and said, “Hey Billy, want to play house?” He said, “Sure! What do you want me to do?” Sally replied, “I want you to communicate your feelings.” “Communicate my feelings?” said a bewildered Billy. “I have no idea what that means.” The ...
A store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plant A store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plant he spotted during his last trip through a part of the countryside in the hopes of gaining another client in the area. However, little did Bob know that the plant manager was going to be a tough customer to please. ...
The teacher was teaching the kids about starvation. Being a good teacher,she decided to call on selected students to draw a picture of starvation on the board. Sue went first, she drew a round circle with three little lines in the middle of the circle. The teacher said, “That’s very good Sue What is it?” Sue said, “That’s a plate ...
A couple of guys from West Virginia are out in the woods hunting when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, “Bubba is dead! What can I do?” The operator, ...