The old man was a witness in a burglary trial. The defense lawyer asks Sam, “Did you see my client commit this burglary?” “Yes,” said Sam, “I saw him plainly take the goods.” The lawyer asks Sam again, “Sam, this happened at night Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?” “Yes,” says Sam, “I saw him do ...
A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package: “What food might this contain?” The mouse wondered. He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap. Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning. “There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!” The ...
A husband and wife were having dinner at a fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she’ll see him later, and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, “Who was that??!!” “Oh,” replies the husband, “that was my mistress.” The wife says, “That’s it; ...
A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. “How are you grandpa?” he asks. “Feeling fine,” says the old man. “What’s the food like?” “Terrific, wonderful menus.” “And the nursing?” “Just couldn’t be better The young nurses really take care of you.” “What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?” “No problem at all — nine hours solid ...
Once a drunk husband arrived late at his home, He rang the bell.. Wife : where have you been till this late, I am not going to open the door. Sleep outside on the road tonight. There was a well beside their house. Husband : I’ll Jump into well If you don’t open the door. Wife : Do whatever you ...
Dave and his wife were working in their garden one day when Dave looks over at his wife and says, “Your butt is getting really big I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue.” With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measured the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured ...
A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It’s after midnight While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees. Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe ...
Three High school girls go to the same bathroom every 4th period and each time they gossip and spill tea, and do their makeup, and each time before they leave they write a message on the mirror with their lipstick. Sometimes they write the name of the boy they like, sometimes draw a hand giving the world the finger. Every ...