Eliza says to the other two, “You know girls, my husband bought me the most wonderful jewelry for our anniversary A lavish diamond necklace and some beautiful earrings.” “How wonderful!” Josephine says. Isabelle responds, “That’s nice, real nice.” Josephine then says to the other two, “Well my husband spared no expense for our anniversary He took us on a beautiful ...
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried ...
My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. CEO’s are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. I saw a Mormon with only one wife. McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names. A truckload of Americans was caught ...
She ended the letter saying she preferred accommodation as close as possible to a WC. You anglophones will recognize WC as a water closet or toilet. The Swiss innkeeper was not that well acquainted with English, so he took the letter to his friend the parish priest and asked, “What is a WC?” The priest mulled this over for a ...
A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table. His wife asks, “Do you know her?” “Yes,” sighs the husband. “She’s my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.” “My ...
A nun wakes up one morning and decides to go for a walk She gets out of bed and puts on her shoes. As she’s walking down the hallway to the convent kitchen, another nun looks at her, smiles and says, “Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!” She thought this was a bit odd, ...
David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an obscenity. Those that weren’t expletives, were to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He ...
However, they arrived several hours early, and had little to do on Sunday morning while everything was closed. “Well,” one says to the other, pointing to a nearby Cathedral, “Why don’t we attend Mass?” “Sure,” replies his friend “But we don’t know how the French pray and we can’t speak French!” The first guy thinks for a minute “I have ...