I remember one time when I was home visiting my folks. My mom asked me to set the table for dinner. I opened the refrigerator and taped to the inside of the door was a risque picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built young woman. “Mom, what s this?” I asked. “Oh, I put that up there to remind me ...
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, ...
Jane read that milk baths would make her beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk at her door. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the message. Jane came to the ...
While showing off his new apartment to friends one night, a drunk man led the way to his bedroom where there was a huge clock on the wall with a big brass gong. “What’s that brass gong for?” asked one of the guests. “Why, that’s the talking clock,” the man replied. “How does it work?” asked a second friend. “Watch,” ...
At an airline ticket counter, all of the ticket agents were doing their best to politely process each passenger as quickly as they could. A man at the end of the passenger line was impatient and frustrated at having to wait so long in the slow-moving line. He finally decided to march up to the counter to demand that he ...
A young doctor had moved to a small community near Broken Hill to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds so that the community would become used to their new doctor. At the first house a woman complains, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.” The older ...
… complaining about their biggest regrets on getting old. The first old man said, “I’d give anything to take a good piss like I did when I was young. Every morning I get up it takes me 5 minutes to take a piss, and then it’s only a small dribble.” The second old man said, “I’d give anything to take ...
Four guys have been going on the same fishing trip for many years. A few days before the group’s annual departure date, John’s new wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t allowed to go. John’s fishing buddies are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do? Two days later the three get to the ...