These three guys die together in a tragic accident and they all go to heaven When they get there, St Peter greets them and tells them, “We only have one rule here in heaven Don’t step on the ducks.” So, they enter heaven and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It’s almost impossible not to step on ...
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car Both could barely see over the dashboard Cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through The woman in the passenger seat thought, “I must be losing my mind I swear we just went through a red light.” A few minutes later, ...
A man asked his doctor if he thought he’d live to be a hundred. The doctor asked the man, “Do you smoke or drink?” “No,” he replied, “I’ve never done either.” “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women? ” inquired the doctor. “No, I’ve never done any of those things either.” “Well then,” said the doctor, ...
Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what’s worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why. The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations. The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up late. He will tell Johnny a lie so big that he will ...
One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.” Bob’s wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating ...
He’s wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering, “Mexican’s have THREE problems.” Just a few moments later the Mexicans surround him and say, “Hey, you know what you’re wearing is insulting?” The Texan responds, “This is your first problem: You’re so easily offended.” The Mexican visibly bristles, “Okay, maybe we should settle this outside.” The Texan, “That’s your second problem: You ...
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed… As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, ‘What time of night to be getting home ...
A businessman is hurrying home on the motorway after a hard days work when he is stopped by a policeman. “Do you know you were driving 30 mph over the limit?” asks the policeman. “Eh, actually no, officer, it’s a big car and it just sort of coasts along… you know.” “And what were you planning on doing if you ...