— Best taken in the autumn or mid winter. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees…poo poos, quickly please Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick ...
A young boy, about seven years old, was at the corner grocery picking out a box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. “No laundry” the boy said, “I’m going to wash my dog.” “But you shouldn’t use this to wash your dog ...
“Hey, man! How have you been?” “Oh, great,” says the other “I have recently bought an elephant.” “An elephant? Are you serious?” asks his friend. “Yeah, man The kids love him, he’s their best friend They call him Mr Trunks He washes my car with his trunk I don’t need to cut my lawn anymore, he grazes down all the ...
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: ‘Hi, how are you?’ I’m not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don’t know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, ‘Doin’ just fine!’ And the other person says: ‘So what are you up to?’ What kind of ...
The Chief Rabbi of Israel and the Pope are in a meeting in Rome The Rabbi notices an unusually fancy phone on a side table in the Pope’s private chambers. “What is that phone for?” he asks the pontiff. “It’s my direct line to the Lord!” The Rabbi is skeptical, and the Pope notices The Holy Father insists that the ...
The bartender said, “You can’t bring that monkey in here!” The man said, “Don’t worry, he won’t cause any trouble.” Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball. The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ball No one can play pool anymore! Get out!” The man left but came back one week ...
Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a drugstore Jacob suggests that they go in He addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?” The pharmacist answers, “Yes.” Jacob: “Do you sell heart medication?” ...
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she ...