A few years ago, I decided to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany. I assumed that most Germans would speak English. But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue–including the ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. I simply nodded from time ...
The friendly usher at the country church greeted the elderly woman visitor at the door and helped her up the steps. “Where would you like to sit?” he asked politely. “The front row, please,” she answered. “You really don’t want to do that,” the usher said “The pastor is really boring.” “Do you happen to know who I am?” the ...
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps you when you lie He decides to test it out on his son at supper. Dad says: “Where were you last night?” Son says: “I was at the library.” The robot slaps the son. Son says “OK, I was at a friend’s house.” “Doing what?” asked the father. Son says: “Watching a ...
A local FM Radio was running a contest, and I phoned up. The RJ said, “Congratulations on being our first caller, all you have to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our grand prize.” “That’s fantastic!” I shouted in delight. “Feel confident?” she asked “It’s a maths question.” “Well, I’ve got a Masters in maths and have ...
He starts dialing numbers on his hand, like a telephone, and talking into his hand. The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn’t need any trouble here. The guy says, “You don’t understand I’m very hi-tech I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the cellular.” ...
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop.. Right away they go over to the bird section. Gerry says to Paddy, “That’s them”. The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them. “Yeah, we’ll take four of the birds in that cage up there,” says Gerry “Put them in a paper bag.” The clerk does this and the two ...
A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache. Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the ...
A newlywed couple moves into their new house One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?” The husband says, “What do I look like, Mr Plumber?” A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his ...