An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any recent interest in his paintings, which happened to be on display. “I have good news and bad news,” the gallery owner replied “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.” “What did you say?” questioned ...
A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light The driver is a real bast…, steps out of his car and comes striding toward theofficer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the ...
Paddy’s friend is hit by a car so he phones for an ambulance. Paddy: ‘Get an ambulance here quick, he’s bleeding from his nose and ears and I tink both his legs are broke.’ Operator: ‘What’s your location sir?’ Paddy: ‘Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street …’ Operator: ‘How do you spell that sir?’ Silence… (heavy breathing). Operator: ‘Are you there ...
The first one married a woman from Minneapolis, and said to her: “When I get back from work, I want the house to be clean and tidy.” He didn’t see any changes on the first day, but on the second day the house was clean and tidy. The second brother married a woman from Dallas, and said to her: “When ...
Desmond, who was a real town dweller, drove his car into a ditch when out on the country roads Luckily, a local farmer came was passing by with his big strong donkey called Dobbin. He hitched Dobbin up to the car and shouted loudly, “Pull, Dolly, pull!” Dobbin didn’t move one inch. Then the farmer yelled, “Pull, Robbie, pull.” Still ...
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s half past three in the morning “I’m not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows “Aren’t you going to answer that?” says his wife ...
A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm. He stopped and asked the boy, “Where did you get that turkey?” The boy replied, “What turkey?” The game warden said, “That turkey you’re carrying under your arm.” The boy looks down and said, “Well, lookee here, a turkey ...
A frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and was told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you.” The frog said, “That’s great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?” “No,” said the psychic, “Next term — in her biology class.” Mark showed up for work with two very red ...