After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs ...
… and there’s a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table. He’s been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn’t have the courage to start talking to her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. His reflexes kick in and he reaches out, plucks it out of the ...
A schoolteacher used to take a short nap every afternoon. When his pupils asked him why he did so, he said that he went to dreamland to meet ancient sages. One extremely hot day some of the pupils fell asleep in the afternoon. When the school-teacher chided them, they said: “We went to meet the sages in dreamland.” “What did ...
Please be advised that all members planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there ...
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: “Dear God, I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pension Yesterday someone stole my purse It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had ...
He was hooked on trees his whole life. 2 Why was Santa’s little helper depressed? Because he had very low elf esteem. 3 What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat? Hits a gnome and runs. 4 What do you call a broke Santa Claus? Saint-nickel-less. 5. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel ...
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order. The man says, “I’ll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich. “What’s yours?” “I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich A short time later the waitress returns with the order. ...
A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water ...