How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? What happens if you get scared to death twice? If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2? If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? If you write a book about failure, and it doesn’t sell, is it a success? If love is ...
A state trooper spied a car puttering along at 22 MPH So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over Approaching the car, he noticed that five old ladies were inside, and they looked wide-eyed and terribly pale. The driver pleaded with him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be ...
A newspaper reporter went to interview an old man who was the last person in the county to have lived through the Civil War Thinking he had a story, the reporter started asking some questions “Sir, you have lived through the civil war and two world wars You have seen the invention of the automobile and the airplane In all ...
A husband comes home early from work and catches his wife in bed with the mailman Before they notice him, he sneaks back into the hall, finds the mail bag, steams open the letters, inserts coupons from his rug-cleaning business and seals them back up. “Ha ha ha,” he snickers “That lazy mailman who is shirking his duties works for ...
There was a guy in the middle of the desert and his car broke down He started walking and he came to a monastery, where he asked them if he could borrow a mule The monks lent him one, and they explained that you had to say “Thank the Lord!” to make it go and “Amen!” to make it stop ...
Three hicks were working on a telephone tower – Steve, Bruce and Jed. Steve falls off and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, “Someone should go and tell his wife.” Jed says, “OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.” Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer. ...
A plane was once flying over an island when the passengers heard the pilot’s voice: “Ladies & Gentlemen, if you look on the right side of the plane, you’ll see an engine on fire If you look on the left side, you’ll see a wing on fire And if you look down, you’ll see me and my co-pilot in parachutes, ...
Juan Valdez names his mule after you. You chew on your roommate’s fingernails. You can jump-start your car without cables. You do twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in. You can’t remember your second cup. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. Starbucks has a mortgage on your house. Your ...