A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. “I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had ...
A lady goes into the butcher shop and as she is walking around the store, she spies a beef tongue in the butcher’s counter. The lady asks, “What in the world is that?” “Beef tongue,” replies the butcher! The lady gives a little involuntary shudder, “Ewww! Gross! No way would I put anything in my mouth that came out of ...
Two math professors are in a restaurant One argues that the average person does not know any math beyond high school. The other argues that the average person knows some more advanced math Just then, the first one gets up to use the rest room. The second professor calls over his waitress and says, “When you bring our food, I’m ...
The stud rooster at a poultry farm is getting old, so the farmer buys a new one Once he’s arrived, the new rooster walks up to the old one and says, “Listen here, Gramps! This whole farm is mine now!” The old rooster says, “C’mon buddy? At least let me stick around with the old hens? We’ll stay in the ...
Thinking it had been a long time since he had paid her a compliment, she decides to see if she can get one out of him. “Honey,” she says, “I feel horrible.” Silence… “I look old, fat, and ugly.” More Silence… Leaving all semblance of subtlety behind her, she bluntly tells him what she wants. “I could really use a ...
I am writing in response to your request for additional information In block number three of the accident reporting form, I put “poor planning” as the cause of my accident You said in your letter that I should explain more and I trust that the following details are sufficient: I am a bricklayer by trade On the day of the ...
They were stuck behind a really slow group of golfers. The economist fumed, “What’s with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!” The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!” The priest said, “Here comes the greens-keeper. Let’s have a word with him.” He said, “Hello George, What’s wrong with that ...
He turns on his flashlight and proceeds to the family room where he intends to start bagging small items and work his way up to the big items. While he is beginning to collect valuables, he hears a voice… “Jesus is watching.” This startles the burglar, who quickly glances around with the flashlight but doesn’t see or hear anything else. ...