A guy burned both of his ears… so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened. He said, “I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang… So, instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear…” “But how the heck did you burn the other ear?” The doctor asked. “They called back.” ...
A man was walking down the beach when he found a bottle. He picks up the bottle, and a genie comes out. The genie says that he will grant him one wish. “Well, I’d like to go to Hawaii. But, I’m afraid of flying and I don’t like the idea of going in a boat. So, I wish there was ...
Once, a long, long time ago, in a small village just outside of some place you’ve never heard of, there was quite a stir amongst the villagers. The villagers, you see, wanted to schedule a race so that they could support their compulsive gambling habits, but could not find their two main contestants, the tortoise and the hare, and were ...
Two Arkansans meet on a dusty, country road. One of them is carrying a big bag, labeled chickens. “Chickens, eh?” says his friend. “Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?” “Heck,” says the guy with the bag. “You guess right, I’ll give you both of ’em.” “Um…five?” ...
ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE: Warning keep out of children. ON A HAIR DRYER: Do not use while sleeping. ON A BAG OF FRITOS: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP: Directions: Use like regular soap. ON A FROZEN DINNER: Serving suggestion: Defrost. ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP: Fits one head. ...
It’s the spring of 1957 and Bobby, a pretty hip guy with his own car, goes to pick up his date. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in. “Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?” he says. “That’s cool,” says Bobby. Carrie’s father asks Bobby what they’re planning ...
1) All of your friends have @ in their names 2) You can’t call your mother…she doesn’t have a modem 3) Your spouse makes a new rule… Computers don’t come to bed. 4) You laugh at people with 56K modems. 5) You start tilting your head to smile 🙂 6) Your phone bill comes to your house in a box ...
A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells her that the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new ...