“I have an idea,” says the father. He puts a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. “If he takes the money, he’ll be a banker If he takes the whiskey, he’ll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible, that means he’ll be a preacher.” So the man and his wife hide ...
… and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled. Before long the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing that Bubba was getting a 99 percent sign-up for the top GI insurance. This was odd, because it ...
The leader of the captors said, “We’re going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish.” The Englishman responds, “I’d like to hear “God Save The Queen” just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the London All ...
A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, ‘Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?’ The guy replies,’ I’ m Jack, ...
It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend Stacy, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice. However, I knew you would not approve of her because of her piercings, tattoos, and punk clothes. ...
A man celebrating his 100th birthday was asked by a reporter how he had managed to live so long: The man contemplated that question and looked over at his wife. She sat beside him and a small smile played around her lips. He hesitated for a moment before he explained: “Well, son, I got married when I was 21. The ...
A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes. The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son my child?” The ...
“I’m not going to cite you,” said the officer, “I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous.” “I thank thee,” said the Amish lady, “I shall have my husband repair it as soon as we return home.” “Also,” said the officer, “I noticed that one of ...