The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, Sir. I must have misunderstood you What did you say?” “Listen up, damn it I said I want to open a damn checking account now!” “I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank.” The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager ...
#10 Golfer: “I think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.” Caddie: “Think you can keep your head down that long?” #9 Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.” Caddie: “Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.” #8 Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?” Caddie: “Yes You miss the ball ...
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?” “No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied. “Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?” I asked. “No, I don’t waste time fishing,” the homeless man ...
Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him. He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak: My son, “Bernie, I want you to take ...
“In 1942,” he says, “The situation was really tough The Germans had a very strong air force I remember,” He continues, “One day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared.” (At this point, several of the children giggle.) “I looked up, and right above me was one of them I aimed at him ...
The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon ...
One day he arrives home looking downcast “That’s it,” he tells his wife “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn’t see where it went.” His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and ...
One day a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?” Fred replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.” His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just ...