Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, “Well Bill, I’m really confused on this one. It’s a tough decision; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you ...
An old couple is having breakfast when the old woman says to her husband, “Just think, honey, we’ve been married for 50 years.?” “Yes,” he replies. “Fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together. And we were probably naked as jaybirds.” “Well,” the old woman snickers, “should we get naked again for old time’s sake?” So ...
A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck’s one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, “Well we have the Parthenon.” Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, “We have the Coliseum.” The Greek retorts, “We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.” The Italian, nodding agreement, says, “But we built the Roman Empire”. ...
Patrick hoisted his beer and said: “Here’s to spending the rest of my life between the legs of me wife!” And with that he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night. In bed later that night, he told his wife: “Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night.” She said: “Aye, ...
The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish manse. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens. One Saturday night the cock rooster went missing and as that was the time he suspected cock fights occurred in the village he decided to ...
A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, “Hey Stevie, wanna play house?” He says, “Sure! What do you want me to do?” The girl replies, “I want you to communicate.” He says to her, “that word is too big. I have no idea what it means.” The ...
An elderly priest was speaking to a younger priest. “You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theatre seats. It worked like a charm! The front of the church always fills first now.” As the young priest nodded, the old priest continued, “You also told me to assign a little more beat to the ...
Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, “Happy birthday, boss!” I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she ...