One day little Johnny was playing outside. As he was feeling particularly reckless, Johnny kicked a beehive. The honeybees cam out of the hive and started swirling around Johnny. This pissed Johnny off so he stomped on the bees. His father witnessed this and told him: “Don’t do that! No honey for a month as a punishment for stomping on ...
Jim was driving through the country when he saw a sign reading, “Apples $5 each.” “That’s a lot of money for one apple!” he thought, so he stopped to see what’s up. Jim asked the old farmer, “Why are your apples so expensive?” The farmer replied, “Because they are special peanut butter and jelly apples. Here, try one.” Jim took ...
A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day… She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favourite: a sandwich on Italian bread, made with turkey, American cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing ...
Ole was working his way through Lena’s fall cleanup list. He looked under the porch, and they’re nestled in a nice cosy nest was a family of rats. So he got in his pickup and drove into the hardware store in town. “What you got for rats under a porch?” he asked. “I got just the thing,” the hardware store ...
A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process, she hacks the ...
An elementary school teacher decided to hand out candy and have the students guess what they are… The teacher explains to the class the game they will be playing; guessing the candy she gives them. The class roars in excitement. The teacher walks over to a student named Suzie and hands her a peppermint. The student puts it in her ...
Three old guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said; “You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedez. I figure that if she doesn’t like the diamond ring, she will ...
Little Johnny’s parents wanted to go on their wedding anniversary, So his dad sent the boy to stay with his grandparents but sent a note with the boy explaining things because the kid was such a terror with the old couple. On the very first day at his grandparents home, Little Johnny got pliers and cut his grandma’s cloth line ...