A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket — If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there ...
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing. “We’re supposed to find the height of this flagpole,” said Sven, “but we don’t have a ladder.” The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on ...
The old farmer had taken a day off from his chores and went fishing on the lake. As he sat in his boat waiting for a bite, he noticed a small frog sitting on a lily pad catching flies, and staring at the fisherman. Finally the frog jumped into the water and started swimming toward the boat. Just before the ...
A husband and wife love to play golf together but they were not satisfied with their game, So they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees him swing, he says, “No, no, no,” you’re gripping the club way too hard!” “Well, what should I do?” asks the man. “Hold the club gently,” ...
Two married buddies were out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off ...
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns that is creeping down the road with twenty cars lined up behind them and says, “Sister, this is a 45 mile per hour road. Why are you going so slow?” The nun responds, “Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 45.” “Sister, that’s not the speed limit, that’s ...
A guy about to tee off was approached by a man who held out a card that read, “I am a deaf mute. May I please play through?” The first man gave the card back, angrily shaking his head, and saying, “No, you CANNOT play through.” He assumed the guy could read his lips so he mouthed, “I can’t believe ...
While taxiing at London’s Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: “US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie ...