A man walks up to the main desk a library and says in a loud commanding voice to the librarian: I’ll take two hamburgers, no mayonnaise, and an order of fries. The librarian looks up at him, shocked. Summoning up all the testy authority she can, she says to him: Sir, this is a library. The man pauses for only ...
One dark night, two men are walking home after a party and decide to take a shortcut through the cemetery. Right in the middle of the cemetery they are startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they find an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. “Holy ...
One day, three sisters were at home and their mom said their boyfriends could stay the night. That night, the mom was walking through the hallway and heard crying from the first daughter’s room. Then, she heard laughter coming from the second daughter’s room. However, there was no sound at all from the third daughter’s room. The next day after ...
A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird but there are no laws preventing weird people from buying condoms. Who knows, maybe it’s a good thing. The next day, the same man comes back to the store, purchases yet another condom, and once again he ...
A woman hasn’t made love with her husband in years, so he takes her to the doctor. The doctor takes her into the exam room, but he determines that she’s healthy and that there is nothing physically wrong with her. So he asks her what could be preventing her from making love with her husband. She replies, “Well, every morning, ...
John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John’s minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. “I realize it’s terrible weather out there ...
Fred came home from college in tears. “Mom, am I adopted?” “No of course not,” replied his mother. “Why would you think such a thing?” Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. He had no match with any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived on the other side of the city. Perturbed, his mother ...
Henry was doing math homework, saying to himself… “2+5, the son of a b*tch is 7” “3+6, the son of a b*tch is 9” His mother heard this and asked, “Henry! What is this nonsense you are doing?” “Oh, Mom. I am just doing my math homework!” Mom: “Is this how your teacher taught you?” Henry: “Yes, Mom.” Infuriated, she ...