There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: Dear God, I am an 83 ...
A recently divorced man, heartbroken and down on his luck, comes across a magical genie lamp. Thinking his luck has finally changed, he rubs the lamp and out pops a genie. “I am an all and powerful genie. You get three wishes, but I must tell you in advance, anything you wish for, your ex-wife gets double.” So the man ...
Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table discussing their problems with getting old. The first one said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.” The second lady says, “Yes, sometimes ...
On his 60th birthday, Jeff bought himself a brand new Corvette convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. “This is great,” he thought as he roared down the Florida highway. He decided to see how fast this baby could really ...
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner. A local politician and member of the congregation was to give a speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say a few words while they waited. “I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard. I thought I had been assigned ...
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: “Hi, how are you?” I’m not the type to start a conversation in the men’s restroom, but I don’t know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, ‘I’m doing just fine.” And the other guy says: “So, what are you up to?” What ...
A young blonde was on vacation in the swamps of Louisiana. She really wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes to bring back for her boyfriend but didn’t want to pay the high prices the local stores were charging. After becoming very frustrated with the local shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so ...
Hello! Is this Gino’s Pizza? No sir – it’s Google Pizza. I must have dialled a wrong number. Sorry. No sir – Google bought Gino’s Pizza last month. OK. I would like to order a pizza. Do you want your usual, sir? My usual – you know me? According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you ...