A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen ‘Careful,’ he said, ‘careful! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! Where are we going to get more butter? They’re ...
Robin Hood: “HALT!” “I am Robin Hood, I take from the rich to give to the poor, now give me all your money!” Peasant: “I have nothing, I’ve been hungry for years you see” Robin Hood: “Very well then poor man, take this!” Robin Hood gives the poor man a sack, filled to the brim with gold coins. He then ...
My son, if you keep spending on a woman and she never asked you if you’re saving or investing, and she keeps enjoying the attention, don’t marry her. My son, a woman could be a good wife to you, some could be a good mother to your children but if you’ve found a woman like a mother to you, your ...
When she walked into the kitchen, she found her husband walking around wielding a fly swatter. “Albert, what are you doing?” she asked. “I’m hunting flies,” he said. “Oh, I see Did you kill any?” she asked. “Yep, three males two females,” he replied in a confident tone. The woman was intrigued by her husband’s apparent fly knowledge. She asked, ...
Learn to work the toilet seat You’re a big girl If it’s up, put it down We need it up, you need it down You don’t hear us bitching about you leaving it down. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! Sometimes we are not thinking about you Live ...
She decided to have a chat with Johnny about his disinterest in math, being more responsible with his studies, and the importance of bringing his grade up. The next quarter ended, Johnny’s report card came out, and his math grade was still low So Johnny’s mother decided to call his math teacher in an attempt to get to the root ...
A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other. The groom’s best friend takes him aside and asks what’s wrong. “Well,” replies the man, “when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking.” “Oh, you shouldn’t worry about that too much,” says his friend. “I’m sure your ...
When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, “Wow, these seats are big!” The person next to him answered, “Everything is big in Texas.” When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit the hotel bar. Upon arriving at the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, ...