There were 3 men in the desert. They all wanted something to cool them down One brought a pail of water. The second brought an umbrella. The third took out a car door. The other two said, “Why do you have a car door?” The person said, “So we could roll the windows down when we get hot!” ...
During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn’t). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.” He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table I took a seat and just as he was ...
There are Two Young men and an old man. Satan tells them that they can only leave hell if he can’t do what they ask. The first young man asks for the fastest sports car in the world; He goes into hell. The second young man asks for the most advanced computer in the world; He goes into hell. The ...
One day a blonde walks into a doctor office with both of her ears burnt. The doctor asks her what had happened. She says, “well… when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I mistakenly picked up the iron instead of the phone. “Well that explains one ear, but what about the other.” “The b**st**rd called again” ...
An Engineer was unemployed for a long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: “Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000.” One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: “I have lost taste in my ...
A teenage boy goes to church to confess his sins. “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned I have been with a loose girl.” The priest asks, “Is that you, little Tommy O’Shaughnessy?” ‘Yes, Father, it is.” “And who was the girl you were with?” “I can’t tell you, Father I don’t want to ruin her reputation.” “Well, Tommy, I’m ...
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest ...
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.” “Oh really? Darn it!” said the ...