Two factory workers are talking. The woman said, “I know how to get some time off from work!” “How?” asked the man. “Watch this,” said the woman. She climbed up to the rafter and hanged upside down. The boss walked in, saw her and said, “What on earth are you doing?” “I’m a lightbulb,” she answered. “I think you need ...
Two men are out hunting One of them goes into the bushes to take a leak. A few moments later, there’s a scream. The man’s buddy runs up.”What happened to you?” the buddy asks. “A snake bit me in the privates!” he answers, pointing to said snake, kicked to death. “Call the doctors!”The buddy picks up his phone, makes the ...
A plane crashes The only survivor is a flight attendant. She finds herself on a deserted island and after a while gets really hot so she takes her shirt off exposing her cleavage. She sees smoke nearby and a rives to see a man cooking some meat. Where are you from ? She asks him. Great Britain He replies. How ...
For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me Although I am still in great shape since playing football 24 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. Called the club and made my reservation with ...
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing a.s-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least ...
The policeman approaches the driver’s door. “Is there a problem, Officer?” The policeman says, “Sir, you were speeding Can I see your licence please?” The driver responds, “I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.” “You don’t have one?” The man responds, “I lost it four times for drink driving” The policeman is shocked “I see Can I ...
Two little boys are going to the hospital the next day for operations. Theirs will be first on the schedule. The older boy leans over and asks, “What are you having done?” The second boy says, I’m getting my tonsils out, and I’m afraid.” The first boy says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about I had that done when I ...
A group of Sydney bikers were riding west when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, got off his Harley, walked through a group of gawkers, past the police officer who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and said: “Hey Baby Whatcha ...