Two men are in a bar getting drunk.
Suddenly one of them throws up all over himself.
He says, “Oh, no
Now my wife will kill me”.
His friend says, “Don’t worry
Just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your front pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill”.
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.
Eventually he reels home and his wife starts to give him a bad time: “You reek of alcohol and you’ve thrown up all over yourself, you’re disgusting…”
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, he says, “Wait
It’s not what you think
I only had one drink, but this man was sick on me
He’d obviously had one too many, or else he just couldn’t hold his liquor
He was very sorry and he gave me twenty dollars for the cleaning bill
Look in my front pocket.”
She looks in his front pocket and says, “But this is forty dollars”.
“Ah, yes,” says the man.
“He peed in my trousers too.”
A lawyer is talking to his client
A witness in a burglary trial