Little Willie came home in a sad state. He had a black eye and numerous scratches and contusions, and his clothes were a sight. His mother was horrified at the spectacle presented by her darling. There were tears in her eyes as she addressed him rebukingly: “Oh, Willie, Willie! How often have I told you not to play with that ...
Two bachelors are talking and their conversation drifts from politics to cooking. “I got a cookbook last Christmas,” says the first, “but I was never able to do anything with it.” “Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?” asks the second. “You said it Every one of the recipes began the same way, ‘Take a clean dish and …” Bonus ...
A little girl and her mother are at church when the little girl starts to feel sick. Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church. When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up. “Yes,” the girl says. “But I didn’t have to go all the way around the back. ...
A reverend awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard. He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it. He called the sanitation department, the health department and several other agencies, but no one seemed able to help him. In desperation, the good reverend called the mayor ...
Johnny comes back from school crying and says, “Mommy, all the kids in the school say I have a big head.” His mother replies, “No, you don’t, Johnny. You have a hideously deformed head. The other children are merely hiding the truth to protect your feelings.” ...
A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist. He says to his friend, “That’s amazing. How did you get that?” The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish. He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smoke pops out and tells him that he can ...
A guy was limping, so his friend asked him what was wrong. He replied, “My foot bugs me sometimes. It’s just an old basketball injury.” His friend said, “Uh, aren’t you kinda short for a basketball player?” He replied, “Oh no, I never played basketball. I just lost a ton of money on the NBA finals last year and kicked ...
A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes. The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son my child?” The ...